The world of business jargon is constantly evolving, but some things never change.
Recent reports have highlighted a seemingly endless stream of new buzzwords, with inventions like the "negatron" (a perpetually pessimistic individual) and the "faulty tasker" (someone who multitasks so much they make a mess of things) hitting headlines. While these may be amusing, they merely represent the latest in a long line of baffling business speak. Classics like "move the needle", "low hanging fruit", and "outside the box" still hold their place among the most hated and confusing phrases in the corporate world.
London's City AM publication even dedicates a weekly column to highlighting the worst offenders, and social media is filled with mockery of such corporate babble.
The truth is, corporate jargon will always be with us. It provides a sense of security, insider status, and allows for rapid communication. However, there's also a deliberate attempt to obscure the truth, often masking unpleasant realities. Phrases like "restructuring", "streamlining", or "rightsizing" often simply mean job losses.
It begs the question: has corporate jargon become so pervasive that we no longer even notice it?
Take the recent state opening of Parliament in London, where King Charles III, draped in ermine and sitting on a golden throne, began his speech with the phrase "My government's legislative programme will be mission-led."
While this makes sense if you're familiar with economist Mariana Mazzucato's "Mission Economy" book, which advocates for moonshot approaches to tackling complex problems, for most of us, the word "mission" is associated with astronauts, soldiers, or missionaries.
It seems even the King has fallen victim to management-speak.
The travel group Etraveli, in a recent press release, referred to a "pivotal" and "robust solution" with a "360 view" that was "provenly managing decisions" to reduce fraud costs.
What does it all mean?
The fact that Starbucks CEO Laxman Narasimhan's "Triple Shot Reinvention, with Two Pumps" corporate strategy attracted little criticism, despite being followed by weak earnings and a share price plunge, speaks volumes.
Even former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz, known for his own cringeworthy pronouncements, has been outdone. He once described Starbucks Roasteries as "delivering an immersive, ultra-premium, coffee-forward experience," a phrase that now seems almost quaint compared to today's corporate babble.
In 2020, Mondelez, the snack giant behind Oreo cookies and Ritz crackers, unveiled a new marketing approach called "humaning." This led to widespread ridicule, highlighting the dangers of losing sight of plain language.
"Humaning" is a perfect example of what Stanford professors Bob Sutton and Huggy Rao call "meaningless bullshit" in their book *The Friction Project*. It's empty and misleading communication, meaningless to both the speaker and the listener.
The yearning for clear communication in the corporate world is strong. Perhaps one day, companies will embrace simplicity and speak plainly. Until then, we'll have to continue navigating the murky world of corporate jargon, armed with a healthy dose of cynicism.